Late night / early morning musings. These never turn out well.
I’ve been seeing a lot of couple videos showing a woman vacuuming or folding a pile of laundry or whatever. The man sitting on the couch. The woman thinking and building resentment. Why doesn’t he see me? Why won’t he help me? Do I have to do everything around here? I hate him. He’s lazy.
Ok. I get it. If that were true. What you might not see is all the times before he did what she wanted and she responded with this…
What can I help with?
Nothing
Is there anything I can do for you right now
no
Do you want me to sit with the girls at bedtime?
They don’t want you to do that
Is there homework that I can help with?
We’ve already done it and they don’t want your help
Why did you load the dishwasher like that?
Why did you put the clothes away like that?
Why did you put the toys away like that? They are all in the wrong spots!
Why did you drive my car without asking!
Why couldn’t you water my plants while I was away! That’s the one thing I asked you to do! I do it all! Why can’t you?!
Daddy always leaves messes next to the coffee pot. He’s such a mess. Let’s make fun of him when he gets home from work.
All the while, the father / husband just takes it. He takes it all and expects more. He takes his little beatings and moves to the next day and does it again and again. He sits in the garage and drinks to avoid the death by a thousand paper cuts.
Don’t come at me saying she’s carrying a mental load for doling out chores. Screw that. Get real. An adult can see the difference between asking someone to fold the laundry and folding the laundry. She just wants it done her way and she can’t handle it not being her way to the T. And let’s not forget how much being the martyr gives her a rush. She’s addicted to the drama and the high of feeling like the bigger person. She actually doesn’t want help. She just wants to feel superior.
Let’s all take a moment and stop bashing men. We are doing our best. I did my best. I tried. But it wasn’t all me. I had a part. It wasn’t the whole part.
I have been told that a man can’t be the victim. I bought it. Like yeah, I can never act like a victim and I don’t want to be the victim. My manhood depends on not being the victim.
I said in a forum that was asking a question, “without blaming your ex, why did the relationship end”
I said, “because I couldn’t stand up to her”
One comment was funny “Dude how tall was she?” I said “So tall, like 5’3″!”
Another dude basically said I had no balls.
I don’t know what I expected. Was just answering a question as a internet person. Didn’t think I’d get blasted. It wasn’t a support group. I should have known. Toxicity was in there. I deleted the comment because it does no good leaving it.
I would also like to say to the man that said I had no balls. Have you ever loved a woman that constantly bashes you? Never says a positive and all you want is for her to see you and see what you do. You don’t want adoration. Just respect and acknowledgement and equality. I had balls. More than you. You’d probably yell and scream. That’s small balls. Big balls is to love a woman enough to take her seriously enough to not yell and get your way. Try your best. When it fails. As my married life did because I sat on the couch or in the garage one too many times having a few too many coping mechanisms. Take your lumps and move into an apartment and see your daughters less. Be a man.
Lastly, this is a blog post. I put it on Facebook and my blog. It’s really not your concern where I put it. I write for me. I tell my story for me and hopefully share something for you. It’s all good. This isn’t personal enough to not share.