Someone said to me “You really don’t understand how much I DO NOT like you! I wish you would never come here again!”
I wish I would have said the following:
Hi, my name is Chad. I’m the president of the not liking Chad club. We have meetings every morning at 3am. If you’d like to go through the gauntlet of pain, you can be initiated.
Not really. I just walked away. She was on something I think.
I also think she was my guardian angel.
I was where I really shouldn’t go. Not because of anything more than it is preventing me from growing. I’m hiding from the pain of being alone in my apartment by going to gentlemen’s clubs. I’m used to the sounds of a family. I don’t have that anymore. I used to be able to walk into another room to find attention. I don’t have that anymore.
The thing about grief or any kind of pain really is you have to feel it to make it go away. Emotional pain. Not physical.
You have to walk through the fire of grief. I think. This is just my opinion. I read it somewhere of course. Not my idea.
If you don’t then you’re going to continue to be in fire.
My guardian angel woke me up with hate. Clever move. I’m not going back to those places. I hope. I hope I’ll remember that shit that angel told me. Fuck them! Just kidding. They probably saved me. Can they come back and scare me every … nope. Nevermind.