Every person that I’ve ever been hurt by has assumed they know how I’m feeling, they interpreted my actions, fed it through their own filter of life that includes their own experiences and feelings and it came out the other side as bad-intentioned or weak. They ran me down then they’d leave me. I think I’m healing, because now I’m leaving them. I think about them and wonder what I could have done different (nothing) and I’m still hurt, but in the end I DO NOT CARE about other people’s opinions of me! That’s not my responsibility!!! This is a huge lesson. It’s hard to even see how much you might care about other people’s feelings, but here’s a clue that’s so obvious you might feel stupid for not seeing it. You say to someone or yourself, “They are going to think this…” or “This is what they’re thinking … “
I used to think that’s an asshole thing to say. i.e. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. Like you think you’re so awesome that you don’t care about other people’s opinions? How rude! Are you just aloof?? Do you just want to be an asshole and not care how you hurt anyone?? Well, they probably don’t. The people that say that … but
That is actually an asshole way of saying, “I’m humble.”
It’s humility really. You have to be humble to not try to change someone else’s filter. If someone’s filter changed your behavior or words into something that it wasn’t intended to be and they hurt you by misinterpretation and misalignment then let them. They don’t love you. They aren’t your friend nor enemy. They are another human that wants to not be hurt or wants to hurt other people for their hurt. They want to get in front of the hurt and stop it. Interpret it badly … maybe laugh about it … make fun of it … and then they might move on. Or they might keep coming back and telling you they love you, then do the same thing over and over again. That’s ok. That’s life.
Focus on yourself. Treat other’s how you want to be treated. Be kind. Don’t be an asshole.
BTW, I think this is why we have President Trump again. No one can change anyone else’s filter. Persuasion is useless.