I refuse to believe this life is nothing more than a test of our faith and love toward a creator that both loves and cares for us, but will punish us if we step out of line or don’t obey or make mistakes. The sacrificial atonement makes no sense to me either, but I don’t think I can explain it.
There’s go to be more to it. There’s got to be more to this life than that.
As a thought experiment, I wondered, what if God is actually malevolent? The Bible (a book compiled by man that says it’s breathed by God 2 Timothy 3:16) says that God is so good that we can’t even look at him. (Exodus 33:20)
It seems to make more sense to me that God is a malevolent child that wanted to create suffering. Even suffering that made no fucking sense. Tidal waves or childhood leukemia or the holocaust. If you live in a world of empathy, none of those things make sense. There’s no physical in nature reason for those things to exist. There’s physical reasons for a tidal way, but there’s no benefit. What’s the benefit of a tidal wave? What’s the benefit of childhood leukemia? Or the Holocaust? Or any one of the many genocides. The Holocaust being the most recent and the best example of evil we have. Hitler is now a name synonymous with evil. We don’t say “Mao Zedong” is the most evil, but he killed so much more than Hitler.
It just doesn’t make sense any of it. I want to write more. I need to read more actually. I’m not struggling with anything no one else has struggled. Ugh. Nothin new under da sun.
This video made a lot of sense to me. And it eyes wide open scares me. And it makes me believe there’s a God more but we don’t know him. The Bible may be more man-made-up-stories than we’re told to believe.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTY4mLHpg
What if God was just malevolent and good at the same time? All good and all bad. If he controlled everything that would make more sense. I’ve heard it said that evil/death is just the absence of God. How does that make sense? Did we shove him out? That’s just as stupid as believing that just because prayer isn’t in schools that’s why we’re having so many massacres of children in school. Don’t you see how stupid that connection really is? Who’s God are you praying?? You all can’t be right or wrong at the same time. The Christian God, of course, that’s what they want. They want the Christian God to be taught in schools and what’s ironic is these are the same people that believe the Government can’t enforce any religion. They just mean, not their religion. It’s a stupid black and white argument to say that “god” forced one thing to happen because he’s not being placed in everything. That kind of faith isn’t my kind of faith.
I want a personal relationship with the Creator, but I want to understand the relationship. I want to know that I’m worshipping the true God and not just because of where and when I was born. He’s not here guiding me. I just do what I do. And in the end I don’t understand it. It’s confusing the shit out of me. DJT. The worship of DJT. I’m all fucked up. The people that voted for him might even think he’s the anti-Christ, but they are bringing about the end-times by voting for him. Fucking shit! Do you now think god needs your help? Shit! Make it make sense. Anyway, it’s DJT’s stupid rise to power that has made me question everything I believe.
End times. Fuck that. You want to know when the end times are going to happen? Fucking look at all the other end-times that didn’t happen then worry about it, because you can’t! You can’t be honest and worry about that shit. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is you. Everyone matters. You included. Assholes. If you contemplated when BLM was prominently out there, if you contemplated, well, my life matters too! Fuck off please. That’s stupid. Anyway. I’m so sick of not feeling right. Like I’m not getting it. Like I don’t understand anything that everyone else understands. Maybe they are ignorant. I don’t like thinking that at all. I’m ignorant to something and maybe it’s just that I shouldn’t think about the things I think about and I should just leave them alone. The thoughts of a malevolent God being the first to go.
The sacrificial atonement
If we needed atonement, why even create us? To show his glory? Why? If we’re made in God’s image why doesn’t God have duality? Why is He all good and we are all bad? Doesn’t that sound like an abusive spouse? Why is it only “the duality of man” that we speak about. You can’t question God? Why? Am I committing the terrible sin? Sin is lawlessness (1 John 3:4) but is it a sin also that time I smoked a cigarette when I was 15 and under age or found that dirty magazine and jerked off? What the fuck is sin?? Is it sinful to be gay? The right says it is. My family says it’s a choice and it’s never not a choice! Ok, but did you choose to be heterosexual? The same feelings of heterosexual are in the homosexual people too. You can’t have your “non-choice” be someone else’s “choice.” It doesn’t work that way.
I like the thought that as a believer you can do anything (1 Corinthians 10:22-24), but not everything is beneficial. It’s like a rumspringa perpetually. Forever. I don’t get it! I don’t get it at all! LOL>
Why was the punishment for my sins and everyone else’s satisfied with a three day death? If I died without it, would I be dead for three days? No, I would be dead forever. How is that sacrificial atonement equal? It doesn’t have to be equal? Yes it does! We’re running a Ponzi scheme here or something! A spiritual Ponzi scheme.
