Author: Chad

1. We make each state it’s own country.
2. We divide the country based on region or time zone.
3. We make the country one big non contiguous country and eliminate the states.

Option #1

Each state being it’s own country. First of all, which states would need to send “delegates” to other country states. I can’t think of the word. Emissary? No. Shit. Why can’t I think of the word?

Import export taxes would be awful.

I couldn’t easily travel to see my family. They are Oklahomans. I’m a Kansan. Now. I guess. I need to look at my passport.

Not every state would be self sufficient. California, New York, Minnesota, Oregon, & Washington would need to be pretty altruistic states. Probably Texas too. I can see Texas just being an asshole and isolationist.

I don’t like this idea.

Option #2

The west coast and east coast would be really a utopia of flavor. They would be called West America and East America.

The south would be really difficult to live in. We’d call it “Medeckastan” or “JesusIsLordastan”

The Midwest. Probably the same. All of it could combine and just be called Minnesota. And they’d all have to learn the accent and the culture.

Ohio would need to be it’s own country, but rename it to “Plain America”

Florida and Texas. Also still their own country. They’d keep their name. BUT, I’d like to see Texas and Oklahoma combine to form one country, just for the funnies. The Red River. Not important anymore! Oh man, that would be hilarious. It would even have the coolest name. Texhoma!

New Mexico And Kansas could be the same country. They don’t touch, but I feel like they’d be the same. We could combine with Colorado and be contiguous.

I don’t like this idea.

Option #3

I really like this idea, but identity of the state you live in is just so fun. The sports teams are awesome to follow. The NFL only has a couple teams that are named for the state they reside, but that shouldn’t matter. I actually think in terms of identity the city you live in is the most important. The county you live is most important to you as an individual as far as government services. They are just small enough to be effective in managing the cities they contain. Keep the counties. Keep the cities and towns of course. They can’t be combined. Get rid of the states! Those are just causing so many issues.

I don’t like this idea. I love it! But it won’t happen.

I guess we HAVE TO have a war. Maybe Pakistan can come over and stabilize the region.

AMBASSADOR!!! That’s the word I couldn’t think of!!! Shit!

OH OH OH!!! Think about all the competitions we could rename! Ms Universe. The Super Bowl as a world championship! How does that make sense? Ummm. Soccer! It could really be called FUTBALL! We could make the decision as a country!

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

It says we WALK through it. We don’t LIVE in it, but why am I walking so slow? Is my location and speed of walk the reason the good things that seem to be happening continue to burn away?

I’ll be out of this valley in a little while, guys. Just give me a minute. Have to untangle this. And that. All while handling every day life. I’ll be right with you. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important to us. Please hold and the next available service agent will be right with you.

1. I was dumped because someone thought I sounded different over the phone. I was asleep. And I didn’t know that she was involved in an accident. Things escalated quickly. She not only showed me she wasn’t healed but then blamed me for everything. Ok. I get it. I can be insensitive when I’m asleep. I’m a jerk when I drive 3 hours one way to see you one day and 3 hours the next day or the day after that for 3 WEEKS IN A ROW. I’m the jerk that warned you of the pit fall of distance then was tricked into continuing the relationship when you seemed to have a logical epiphany and actually agreed with me, a man that had no ill intent for you at the time. You agreed with me! OMG. I think I’m going to die happy. A woman agreed with me for a moment. It was October 11th around 2PM. Anyway then I think you picked a fight with me for what you thought was altruistic concerns. I don’t know what you thought actually. It was hidden under “you’re insulting” punches. I don’t understand anything right now.

2. A woman I messaged and had been talking to off and on for a year told me to have fun having sexual relations with another man because I refused to change my plans with a friend for her. Then blocked me when I returned the same level of energy of what I thought was really really aggressive sarcasm.

3. A bunch of my friends elected a (insert adjective) to the presidency. Probably because they think giving rich people the most money will cause a bunch of them to in turn become rich. I wonder if they think the poor people coming across the border are also taking money directly from them? Haha. Just kidding. He’s a good guy and all those pennies will be rolling down pretty soon and immigrants are definitely stealing from you. We’ve only been waiting 44 years for it and if you’re born here that means you’re a real American except if your parents aren’t real Americans, then you’re not the realist of American. I wonder if it’s the color of the skin? Is that how we tell the real Americans? Nothing else seems to be working to tell. I thought it was just loyalty to the constitution and knowing some history. Or maybe it’s just how you were born. If you’re born by C-section. Not American. Crap. My daughters aren’t American. Where are they from then?? I don’t know what makes a real American anymore. Mr. Reagan, the manager of the universe would like a word with you. We should all be like Trump. Does that include the hair? I do not want that hair. End of paragraph that doesn’t make sense anymore.

How awesome is it that death brings the family together? I was going into the travel stop just now and an older couple was getting out of their car. The man, hard of hearing, got out of the passenger side. The wife. A little feeble but managed the obstacles of the curbs better than expected. She didn’t need her husbands direction. She knew where she was going. I asked them if they were traveling. It was apparent. The woman sitting in the back with the luggage stacked to her left. They have a lot of luggage. I asked them if they were coming home or going to a far off destination. He said they were going to a funeral. NOT THEIRS! He got jokes!

I followed them in. Trying not to bother them. Just watching.

We all went to the bathroom together. Except for Ms. I don’t know where she went. I let another man who had stopped to let them cross in front of him. I let him go. He smiled at me. I assessed him to be successful. He wore nice shorts and nice comfy jacket and boat shoes. He looks like he showered this morning. I look exactly the opposite. Ragged is how I look. That’s ok. I’m good despite my appearance.

The songs playing were on point. I don’t remember the song. Something by Janet Jackson or Paula Abdul. There’s a party in the bathroom. I had stopped here on my way to my morning destination several hours ago. It was Cindy Lauper playing. Guess the song. It was quite fun to sing Girls Just Want To Have Fun while doing my business. I tried to get some smiles in the store after I was done. No one was having it. Come on! Give me a smile people! I don’t care in the end.

Back to now. As we were washing our hands I said my condolences for their loss. They thank me. Actually the son thanked me. He was driving the older couple. Could have been anyone I guess. I say son. I didn’t get anything about them besides the funeral. I said I’m sorry for your loss. Then said “I like to think of them as spur of the moment family reunions. It’s not completely a happy time. But it’s a celebration.” I hope they are celebrating a great person. Doesn’t matter. Everyone is great in death. All things are forgotten.

Let’s not dwell on death but remember nothing else matters. We will all have our time of greatness. Doesn’t matter if it’s above or below ground. I hope it’s mostly above the ground. Be awesome above ground!!