Category: Uncategorized

Draft … Three movies about grumpy old men

1 Grumpy Old Men

2 12 Angry Men

3 Slingblade

I’m turning into a grumpy old man. I insult, but it’s not always meant as angry. Usually it’s a call to action for the person. But I’m not a saint either.

If you or a loved one can not be challenged without throwing insult or blaming the other person then, please get help.

If you have ever told a loved one their genuine feelings are bullshit. If you have ever said to a loved one their facebook post for your birthday was fake, if you have ever gaslit someone this bad, please get some help.

If you or a loved one has ever yelled at another human for doing something because it was wrong in your head or they didn’t do something you were thinking i.e. they didn’t read your mind, please get help.

If you or a loved one assigns negative intent AT ANY TIME TO ANYONE, please get help.

If you or a loved one finds that you get your way by ignoring other people, if you find that’s a good way to show someone you don’t care about them, please get some help.

If someone has ever told you or a loved one that you scare the shit out of them, please get some help.

If you ever accused a loved one of cheating. When in fact it was you that was cheating. Do whatever you want.

If you or a loved one have ever told a child (your child) they hurt your feelings when they were upset with you, if you made that claim as if the child’s feelings were less important than yours, please get some help.

If you have ever told a loved one that prayed with the child you have together that they forced the child to pray when the child was upset, please, I’m begging you, please see what you’re doing.

If you have ever disappeared in the middle of the night, turned off your phone, didn’t tell anyone that you needed time alone, and when you came back, you find your loved ones scared to death, if you have done this and afterwards, blamed the loved one, said they did the same things to you, if you were also backed up by your family in this matter, if your family yelled at your loved one because of something they made up in their head, if this at all sounds familiar to you, then PLEASE GET SOME GD HELP! We need you to be better. You’re not your best. You’re not as good as you put out into the real world. You don’t do everything. You’re a good person. You need help.

If you have ever been hit because you forgot something. A small detail. A big detail. Doesn’t matter. If you have been hit in anger by someone you love. Please consider me your ally.

This is my last attempt at helping this person understand what they are doing. Their wake is really big, but they act small and petty behind closed doors. The doors need to be opened. Please don’t call me and tell me to stop. I’ll stop. After this. Public image is all I have at this point to help them understand. If this isn’t eye opening. I give up and will continue try to work with this person. I’ll work with them no matter what. I’ll figure out how to be. I’m not the bigger person. I’m just someone trying to do what’s right. I don’t know what’s right anymore.

if you say, I was the abuser. This is what you experienced. You experienced my reaction after years of abuse. You experienced me finally saying “QUIT POKING ME!” after you poked me for years.

I’m so sick of banging up against principle and fighting for change in myself and in those that affect me and who I love more than anything. If the offender changes. Great! If they remain blind. I’ll deal. But I can’t keep living like this. Being insulted and disrespected. While at the same time being demanded to respect them and being belittled when I speak up. This isn’t how “Treat others the way you’d like to be treated” works. This is protecting. Myself. And who I love more than anything. I’ve tried talking. I’ve tried the courts. This is all I have left. You are the block. Human to whom this is addressed. You are a good person. An excellent person. But you’ve made it your goal to take and take from me and those I love. You take emotional wellbeing. You take confidence. You take love and return little. This is not hate. This is love for whoever needs it.

Unfinished thought.

I have struggled with drinking. I like it. I don’t like it.

I don’t have to do it. I do it to relax. I never drink to the point of passing out. Anymore. I used to, but that’s another story.

I’d love to write more. I will.

I’ve experienced a lot of pissing people off lately. I shouldn’t care. I do care. Maybe I should care more. I don’t know. I’ve pissed off a neighbor. Called their beliefs stupid. Told them they could learn from me or continue to sit in their empty apartment and blow dudes. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I don’t like this version of myself. I love it too.

I have experienced being such an asshole, I get blocked.

I have experienced being close to someone who so rubs me the wrong way I feel it necessary to insult them to their face.

Why can’t I just focus on what I can control? Why am I so concerned with misalignment? Why??

It’s only hurting me.

I’m not being apologized to. None of my words make any difference. I don’t need apology. I just need to be left alone. I’m only going to hurt you if you get close to me. If you cross my boundary. If you take your beliefs and try to explain them and I’m so against you that I call you dumb. That’s my go to. That’s my only move. I don’t have the cerebral power at that moment to try to find fact. The only fact is you’re dumb, illogical, & wrong.

I’m sorry. You deserve to feel how you feel. You do not deserve to make anyone else feel bad for their beliefs. (Talking to myself).

Funny though. Nothing ever changed with subjectivity. Jesus didn’t say, “Well, believe what you want to believe. It’s ok.”

Kennedy didn’t say “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask maybe if you want to, do something for your country when you feel like it.”

FDR didn’t say “The only thing we have left to fear is everything that’s scary!”

Lincoln didn’t say “It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us, that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion, that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. If that’s alright with you.”

Exit sidebar…

It’s permanent. There’s no getting back into someone’s life when I do this. They have to be forgiving. I do this to unforgiving people exclusively. I’d be thoroughly surprised if anyone ever came back to me after what I’ve done.

Actually. A couple have come back. We don’t discuss triggers anymore. I don’t like this solution. I tried to listen to them, but in the end the discernment between levels of evil was enough for me to say, I don’t want to talk about it. The couple that forgave are still with me. In fact, they are more important to me now than they were before. I see they fight. They feel. They aren’t bad people. I never thought they were. I feel the thing is mostly not their fault despite how they’ve believed conspiracy.

January 6th wasn’t infiltrated with people against the fight (i.e. “lefties”) to make the “peaceful” side look bad. That is on the level of conspiracy that would rival the following scenario.

Everyone is watching the Rodney King trial in 1992.

The not guilty verdict is called.

People who believe the police were innocent, take to the streets. They scream and yell and set things on fire. They cause chaos! Remember, these are the people that got what they wanted. They make LA look like a war zone. Why? Because they want the “other side” to look bad.

I ran into a man whom I admired immediately yesterday

I was getting a haircut at the Great Clips next to the Twin Peaks I like to frequent for my Friday off work routine. It wasn’t my Friday off. It was Veteran’s Day! Free haircuts. Free cheeseburgers. No free beer. Beer isn’t free. At least, right now, but when all us “lefties” take over, everything will be free and only the strongest men will be the ones to pay for everything! The men that we’re riding the backs of right now! Anyway. That’s another story about imagined things that don’t come true.

We’re here to talk about imagined things that do come true.

This man spoke about his life. Telling stories of medals. He has a purple heart. How that day was the worst in his life. He spoke of fighting nazis.

Ok. Is there anything going on today that resembles what was happening then? I asked.

Well, I see the violence from the left!

No other violence?

Not really, I didn’t know what I was going to do if that black woman was elected.

Ok, sir, I believe you have a lot of truth. (sarcasm) I appreciate you. I’ll leave you alone.

I just wanted to get away from him at that moment. Shit! What the hell is wrong with these people!?

And I walked away. Flabbergasted.

I met up with him again in Great Clips. We talked some more. I asked if the attack on the Capitol was violence that he recognized. January 6th???

They didn’t attack the Capitol. He said.

Ok. Sir, if we can’t agree on things that we both see with our own eyes. The evidence is clearly an attack.

I left at that. Going to hide in a hole for a while.

C

The sermon yesterday was good. The parts that I heard. T, the preacher who I’ve known for years and hey I’m happy about that fact, did some fun voices for an analogy.

A farmer was out working. A man drove up and asked him.

I want to move here. What kind of people live around here?

Fun voice by T for the farmer’s voice.

Well, what kind of people are where you come from?

The most vile of people. They hate what they don’t know or understand. They argue over trivial matters. They are mean. They are hateful. I do not like them.

The farmer said, “well, that’s the same kind of people you’re going to find here.”

The man went on his way.

A second man approached the farmer.

Sir, I’d like to move here. What kind of people will I find?

The funny voice again, “Well, son, what kind of people are where you came from?”

The best. They forgive. They look to the greater good. They find no fault. They are kind and patient.

Well, the farmer said, that’s the same kind of people you’re going to find here.

A simple lesson in perspective.

And how people are crazy! What??? You can’t be hateful and loving at the SAME TIME! Oh yes you can. Here’s why…

He then went on to talk about love and hate and God and how can a loving God hate. I don’t remember the details. I may have rested my eyes. Went somewhere else.

If you want to know the truth. Here it is.

Love and hate are the same thing. Love is not the opposite of hate. Hate is not the opposite of love.

Indifference. Indifference is the opposite of Love and Hate.

Hate and Love are the same thing. They are energy at the things you like and you dislike.

Indifference is neither.

God doesn’t love any less than He hates. And He doesn’t hate any less than He loves.

We can hate and love at the same time!!

But you can’t not care about something and love it. You can’t not care about something and hate it. At the same time.

I currently smoke. I want to quit. I need to quit. I started because it was a familiar from a time in the past. I placed it here in the present because all my familiar was washing away. I didn’t know it at the time. It was too scary to face. I’m still traumatized by losing all that I lost.

I smoke, because I hate. I hate myself. I hate the world. I don’t want to feel anything other than cold smoke in my lungs. I want it to envelop me. And it will eventually kill me if I continue. That is what I hate, but I say I hate it and that’s not true. I’m indifferent right now. I don’t care. I can’t hate it also. This makes sense. I need to see it for what it is and stop being indifferent. I’ll cough a lot less and almost puke none of the time.

Peace.

I thought older women would be a little more fun. I thought they wouldn’t ignore when angry or hurt. Or jump to conclusions when insecure. Or take the fact that I breath heavily as a threat. I thought they might communicate a little better or I’d be able to communicate better also. And finally, assign bad intent to all behaviors. Or at least most when they fell vulnerable or taken advantage of. This is the worst off all. Being ignored is second. Putting yourself in a vulnerable position to try to get her attention, but being ignored instead.

Anyway. nope. None of this is true. They still ignore, assign bad intent, and jump to conclusions. view me as a threat. It’s not me. but …

It’s me. I know I’m the problem. I can see now that it must be me. I don’t live where all women all like this. So, it must be me. I’ll be over here in my corner, ladies. Don’t want to fight you anymore. You’re goood over there in your corner. Don’t need my permission to stay there, but you have my blessing. I’ve realized I’m worse than the bear. I’ll learn from it.

https://www.alignmaguo.com/…/4h09t133hfqtn3ih5v5tv5ewed….

1. We make each state it’s own country.
2. We divide the country based on region or time zone.
3. We make the country one big non contiguous country and eliminate the states.

Option #1

Each state being it’s own country. First of all, which states would need to send “delegates” to other country states. I can’t think of the word. Emissary? No. Shit. Why can’t I think of the word?

Import export taxes would be awful.

I couldn’t easily travel to see my family. They are Oklahomans. I’m a Kansan. Now. I guess. I need to look at my passport.

Not every state would be self sufficient. California, New York, Minnesota, Oregon, & Washington would need to be pretty altruistic states. Probably Texas too. I can see Texas just being an asshole and isolationist.

I don’t like this idea.

Option #2

The west coast and east coast would be really a utopia of flavor. They would be called West America and East America.

The south would be really difficult to live in. We’d call it “Medeckastan” or “JesusIsLordastan”

The Midwest. Probably the same. All of it could combine and just be called Minnesota. And they’d all have to learn the accent and the culture.

Ohio would need to be it’s own country, but rename it to “Plain America”

Florida and Texas. Also still their own country. They’d keep their name. BUT, I’d like to see Texas and Oklahoma combine to form one country, just for the funnies. The Red River. Not important anymore! Oh man, that would be hilarious. It would even have the coolest name. Texhoma!

New Mexico And Kansas could be the same country. They don’t touch, but I feel like they’d be the same. We could combine with Colorado and be contiguous.

I don’t like this idea.

Option #3

I really like this idea, but identity of the state you live in is just so fun. The sports teams are awesome to follow. The NFL only has a couple teams that are named for the state they reside, but that shouldn’t matter. I actually think in terms of identity the city you live in is the most important. The county you live is most important to you as an individual as far as government services. They are just small enough to be effective in managing the cities they contain. Keep the counties. Keep the cities and towns of course. They can’t be combined. Get rid of the states! Those are just causing so many issues.

I don’t like this idea. I love it! But it won’t happen.

I guess we HAVE TO have a war. Maybe Pakistan can come over and stabilize the region.

AMBASSADOR!!! That’s the word I couldn’t think of!!! Shit!

OH OH OH!!! Think about all the competitions we could rename! Ms Universe. The Super Bowl as a world championship! How does that make sense? Ummm. Soccer! It could really be called FUTBALL! We could make the decision as a country!

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

It says we WALK through it. We don’t LIVE in it, but why am I walking so slow? Is my location and speed of walk the reason the good things that seem to be happening continue to burn away?

I’ll be out of this valley in a little while, guys. Just give me a minute. Have to untangle this. And that. All while handling every day life. I’ll be right with you. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important to us. Please hold and the next available service agent will be right with you.